Life can be very raw...sometimes very ragged...leaving you on the edge asking questions like, "What now? How the heck did I get to this place? Where do I go from here - and is there anybody that cares? That understands? Who can help me through this?"
During my military service I did a tour in Alaska. While it was a phenomenal experience, at the same time it had some downsides. I mean, come on...how many tons of snow do you really want to look at for 10 months out of the year? The winters were too cold and too long...with short - really short daylight hours. There were two main roads in and out of the state, (that I felt comfortable enough to drive on) that greatly limited one's driving options...and unless you had a Humvee or knew a nice Bush Pilot, you were pretty stuck right there in Alaska! I put a lot of miles driving up and down those highways, back and forth between Anchorage and Homer in the deep of winter just to give myself that feeling of "getting away from it all" for awhile.
It was usually a one day trip down and back. I'd drive down to Homer, a little fishing village with not much to offer in the way of entertainment, eating, sports - or even shopping. No, it was definitely not the Mecca of Alaska! It was really kind of ironic how getting away from one of the very few big cities in Alaska, to go to a small fishing village gave me a little "breather" and a feeling of escape for awhile. It was just different, a place to get away from my reality. However, after awhile, even that didn't help relieve the feeling of isolation and being "stuck." As beautiful as Alaska is, in the dead of winter, it can really start feeling like the proverbial fishbowl! Depression set in, along with loneliness and discouragement. Military life is not easy. It's very stressful in fact, and not for the fainthearted or weak.
The same could be said for being the mother of a child with special needs. When reality sets, and your life becomes altered in ways you could never have imagined in your wildest dreams, take heart. There may not seem to be many roads to travel on, and though you are surrounded by people, you may still find yourself feeling isolated - and very much alone on your journey. Fear may try to creep in, depression may try to set in...an overwhelming sense of hopelessness may take over - and it may seem nearly impossible to shake it off. Saying that life can be raw is one thing, but feeling and actually living the things that make it so raw is quite another.
Cliches aren't helpful when you're standing in a valley, struggling under a heavy load that seems nearly impossible to bear. A sympathetic ear is nice, having someone to talk to can help, getting away from it all and taking a leisurely drive down the highway can also help. But when you return from the little get away, and when the supportive friends who care go home, you are still left facing your reality...that inescapable reality that nothing short of a miracle will ever change is still there. What will hold you together? What will help you through? Though you discover options and resources, and though there is help and hope, the common denominator of it all is you.........you.........you.
You have to begin looking at yourself differently in this new reality you find yourself in. From this point on, it will not matter what others think of you, it won't matter what others say about you, it will not even matter if you find yourself alone, nothing else will matter except being everything you need to be for the sake of your child. If you are one that is easily tossed to and fro by the winds of difficulties and challenges, just find an anchor somewhere and hold on, stand fast, and don't let go. People will misunderstand you, they will misunderstand your child, they may not like you - or agree with you, but if you know what you are doing, and you know what you are talking about, and you have the right attitude, you'll be surprised at how your strength and tenacity will be the fulcrum that can affect the positive changes you hope for.
You can't change other people, often you can't change your situation, but you can change your approach to it. When something doesn't work, don't give up, just keep trying. Answers will come eventually. Perhaps not the answers you had hoped for, but if you are able to open up your mind to new possibilities and a new reality, you'll find that reality can be bearable and even quite pleasant. You'll learn to discover joy and peace in a new way. Happiness comes packaged a little differently in this reality. There will be points of joy along the way that will recharge and refresh you. They will often be unexpected - cherish and savor each one of them...they will give you inspiration and help sustain you to make it to the next point of joy. They will make everything you go through seem worthwhile.
What has helped me is learning how to pace myself, and how to set realistic goals. I figured out pretty quickly that I was only able to live one day at a time, and that worrying about tomorrow or next week, or next year - or my child's future wasn't helping me make the best of the current day. It was a real drain on my energy and focus. Then I discovered that when I did worry about certain things, things changed before we even got to them, so all that worrying was for nothing!
Things change, people change, the world changes nearly every day. Nothing is constant or for sure. As hard as I try to give my son consistency and a routine to rely on, then he up and changes on me - and I simply have to adjust. Anchors and outlets become important. Outlets are stress relievers. If I don't find ways to relieve the stress, it builds up and I bust. Finding ways to relieve stress are not just a luxury for us. They are an absolute and critical necessity! You think you don't want to take time away from your child? You think you can't afford it? You can't afford not to! It really will make you a better mommy - and it will help you keep your sanity.
Everyone has their Anchor, something or someone that helps them through. Find it and hang on. My anchor is Jesus Christ, when I have done all to stand, he is the one who holds me up! Pace yourself, take things one day at a time and be encouraged in your new reality. Look forward to the new joys you will discover on your journey, they are there. Take heart and be encouraged, it is NEVER as hopeless as it may seem.
During my military service I did a tour in Alaska. While it was a phenomenal experience, at the same time it had some downsides. I mean, come on...how many tons of snow do you really want to look at for 10 months out of the year? The winters were too cold and too long...with short - really short daylight hours. There were two main roads in and out of the state, (that I felt comfortable enough to drive on) that greatly limited one's driving options...and unless you had a Humvee or knew a nice Bush Pilot, you were pretty stuck right there in Alaska! I put a lot of miles driving up and down those highways, back and forth between Anchorage and Homer in the deep of winter just to give myself that feeling of "getting away from it all" for awhile.
It was usually a one day trip down and back. I'd drive down to Homer, a little fishing village with not much to offer in the way of entertainment, eating, sports - or even shopping. No, it was definitely not the Mecca of Alaska! It was really kind of ironic how getting away from one of the very few big cities in Alaska, to go to a small fishing village gave me a little "breather" and a feeling of escape for awhile. It was just different, a place to get away from my reality. However, after awhile, even that didn't help relieve the feeling of isolation and being "stuck." As beautiful as Alaska is, in the dead of winter, it can really start feeling like the proverbial fishbowl! Depression set in, along with loneliness and discouragement. Military life is not easy. It's very stressful in fact, and not for the fainthearted or weak.
The same could be said for being the mother of a child with special needs. When reality sets, and your life becomes altered in ways you could never have imagined in your wildest dreams, take heart. There may not seem to be many roads to travel on, and though you are surrounded by people, you may still find yourself feeling isolated - and very much alone on your journey. Fear may try to creep in, depression may try to set in...an overwhelming sense of hopelessness may take over - and it may seem nearly impossible to shake it off. Saying that life can be raw is one thing, but feeling and actually living the things that make it so raw is quite another.
Cliches aren't helpful when you're standing in a valley, struggling under a heavy load that seems nearly impossible to bear. A sympathetic ear is nice, having someone to talk to can help, getting away from it all and taking a leisurely drive down the highway can also help. But when you return from the little get away, and when the supportive friends who care go home, you are still left facing your reality...that inescapable reality that nothing short of a miracle will ever change is still there. What will hold you together? What will help you through? Though you discover options and resources, and though there is help and hope, the common denominator of it all is you.........you.........you.
You have to begin looking at yourself differently in this new reality you find yourself in. From this point on, it will not matter what others think of you, it won't matter what others say about you, it will not even matter if you find yourself alone, nothing else will matter except being everything you need to be for the sake of your child. If you are one that is easily tossed to and fro by the winds of difficulties and challenges, just find an anchor somewhere and hold on, stand fast, and don't let go. People will misunderstand you, they will misunderstand your child, they may not like you - or agree with you, but if you know what you are doing, and you know what you are talking about, and you have the right attitude, you'll be surprised at how your strength and tenacity will be the fulcrum that can affect the positive changes you hope for.
You can't change other people, often you can't change your situation, but you can change your approach to it. When something doesn't work, don't give up, just keep trying. Answers will come eventually. Perhaps not the answers you had hoped for, but if you are able to open up your mind to new possibilities and a new reality, you'll find that reality can be bearable and even quite pleasant. You'll learn to discover joy and peace in a new way. Happiness comes packaged a little differently in this reality. There will be points of joy along the way that will recharge and refresh you. They will often be unexpected - cherish and savor each one of them...they will give you inspiration and help sustain you to make it to the next point of joy. They will make everything you go through seem worthwhile.
What has helped me is learning how to pace myself, and how to set realistic goals. I figured out pretty quickly that I was only able to live one day at a time, and that worrying about tomorrow or next week, or next year - or my child's future wasn't helping me make the best of the current day. It was a real drain on my energy and focus. Then I discovered that when I did worry about certain things, things changed before we even got to them, so all that worrying was for nothing!
Things change, people change, the world changes nearly every day. Nothing is constant or for sure. As hard as I try to give my son consistency and a routine to rely on, then he up and changes on me - and I simply have to adjust. Anchors and outlets become important. Outlets are stress relievers. If I don't find ways to relieve the stress, it builds up and I bust. Finding ways to relieve stress are not just a luxury for us. They are an absolute and critical necessity! You think you don't want to take time away from your child? You think you can't afford it? You can't afford not to! It really will make you a better mommy - and it will help you keep your sanity.
Everyone has their Anchor, something or someone that helps them through. Find it and hang on. My anchor is Jesus Christ, when I have done all to stand, he is the one who holds me up! Pace yourself, take things one day at a time and be encouraged in your new reality. Look forward to the new joys you will discover on your journey, they are there. Take heart and be encouraged, it is NEVER as hopeless as it may seem.
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